Self-Check

Well, on Friday I walked into the hair dresser ready to make a change. I cut off about 12 inches of my hair, 10 of which I was able to donate to Locks of Love. I am so happy that I decided to do this. I am still getting used to having short hair as I have not had this short of hair since, umm, age 5? oh my!

This was just the beginning of a tough but wonderful weekend. My sister flew in from Colorado Saturday morning to make a trip up to Northern California to visit three ailing older family members as well as to visit a good friend. I was excited for this trip because we would be seeing family but not excited as it is an extremely tough situation. Our first stop and the one I am going to write about was a visit to my cousin's grandmother, Dorothy, who has been as much apart of the family as my blood grandparents. She unfortunately has a serious form of breast cancer and at the age of 89, it, unfortunately, does not look good. I was nervous and uncertain about how this visit would be but as soon as I walked into the room, my heart was calmed. Her presence is tough to see and her pain is obvious, but her eyes still glittered. She was so happy to see my sister and me. She constantly thanked us for making the trip and it was even better because it was a surprise to her that we were coming. We visited with her for about an hour and it was an hour filled with memories and laughs. My cousin, Heather had brought a few old family albums. She loved looking at the pictures and seeing how many wonderful experiences she had.

On our long drive home, I had more time to think about our short visits and wonder how it could relate to my possible future career. I was having trouble thinking of something and didn't want to force ideas that weren't there. So I began to think about the areas that I want to focus on in my dream career. I know that I want to help athletes who have suffered a major injury, teach them ways to cope, be a shoulder to cry on, etc. I remembered when I looked in Grandma Dorothy's eyes, I still saw the glitter, the fight to live and see another day and the light bulb went off.

I know that sport's injuries (most) are not life and death, but to an athlete they can feel that way. I want to teach athletes how to maintain that glitter without the sport they love. My goal is to help athletes succeed mentally at their sport, but even more important, teaching them how to succeed mentally without their sport. So many athletes depend completely on their sport for self-confidence (unknowingly) and for that matter, most people rely completely on one or two things for confidence. My glitter left for awhile during my injuries and along with it went my self-confidence. I have since then learned and found confidence solely in who I am and want to be. It is a constant work in progress, I am not saying I am there yet, but its coming.

My 22-year-old advice would be to have a self-check to see what you would do if your sport or passion was gone, would you be able to be completely confident? I understand there is a grief and transition period that comes along with it, but could you move to your back-up plan, to your friends and family for help, to a different career? This is a question that I constantly challenge myself with and I feel that it keeps me on my toes. It does not only relate to athletes or sports. It makes me feel that I am ready for whatever life throws at me next.

Change is a comin'

So this really has nothing to do with sports but, since about 10th grade I have had long hair but I decided that I am going to cut it short today... I am going to try and donate the 10 inches to Locks of Love, if I have enough.. A little nervous but more excited. I am going for a shoulder length, layered look.. Wish me luck and here it goes!

Who I Am.

Before I dive into telling you my ideas and opinions, I think you should have an idea of where I come from. I grew up in a comfy, middle class home with an extremely supportive family. My parents and sister would do anything to help me succeed. Academics was the number one priority but soccer was number two. My parents put me in soccer at age five and often said to me "why dont you try this other sport?" I gave a couple a try but my love always came back to soccer.

So over the next 13 years, I put my sweat, blood and tears into the sport. Dreaming and hoping of a successful collegiate career. My dream came true to be recruited my senior year at a local college in my hometown. Once I committed, life was beyond great. Until I was hit with my first six serious setbacks. I had knee surgery before my freshman year, then again in the spring of that same year. Coming from a uninjured background, I had no clue of the intensity it takes to rehab from surgery. Well, there goes my freshman year. But its going to be okay because I have three more years.

My second year was okay, minus two serious ankle sprains in the spring. Then came the tough ones. One ACL tear before my junior year, then ACL and meniscus before my senior year. My previous thought of "its okay, there's 3 more years" suddenly seemed way more significant. I didn't have three more years. My career was over. To round up the fun, I then had an ankle reconstruction in March of my senior year and a shoulder surgery about three weeks ago.

I know this isn't the cup of sunshine you may have been wanting to read but I have a reasoning for explaining it all. I want to show those who have had dreams such as mine, that it is going to be okay. I have found so much more outside of world of soccer than I ever thought I would because of these injuries. Don't get me wrong, this process wasn't easy but well worth it. Wouldn't take back any of them. I will go more into this in the future, but if my story can help at least one person realize there is more to life than whatever your most important thing is, then I feel that I have done my job.

Today.

Well, I never would have considered myself to becoming a blogger. About a month ago I thought about it and it never took off. But, today I met with a man named Dayne Gingrich who runs the website www.coachyourmind.com. He told me I didn't have a choice but to start blogging all my ideas. I had emailed him about a month ago because I wanted to meet with him to learn about his job and website. I know I want to go into some sort of sports counseling/psychology but was confused on how to even begin this journey. Dayne promptly emailed me back and we met at a local Starbucks.

When we started talking, I felt that Dayne is one of the first people who I have met who gets exactly what I want to do. I want to help high school and collegiate athletes succeed mentally. There are many mental sides of sports that get over looked. Between the pressure of playing and succeeding in school to dealing with egos to being injured. Our world is too focused on the physical side of sports that they don't realize how much we are overlooking the mental side. There have been way to many athletes lives been ended early because of the pressure sports put on them.

I am also writing this blog to help me document and process my journey through this transition phase of my life. Besides trying to weave by way through the working world, I am on day 3 of studying for the GRE and in the process of starting a guidance counseling internship and attempting to get a job as a high school girls soccer assistant coach. Oh and on top of that, trying to figure out who I am and what I am ultimately going to do with my life. I know I am young but I like to have answers (I am working on my patience :)).

One of the last questions Dayne asked me was "do you have any reason why you wouldn't want to pursue this field?" He caught me off guard as I was trying to think of something. I couldn't. Not one thing. So here it goes.